Blindsided
by The-Fickle-Lady
Summary: Theon needs to stop making dinner time announcements. Part of the "Fawn" Verse" and is a sequel to "Aye, Aye, Captain Obvious".


ASOIAF: Modern!AU

Blindsided

Disclaimer: I Own Nothing.

Summary: Theon needs to stop making dinner time announcements. A spin-off of "Fawn", a sequel to "Aye, Aye, Captain Obvious".

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Asha had seen Theon's coming out a mile away. It was as obvious as a lighthouse shining a rainbow colored beacon on a clear night when he sat down at the dinner table that night. He obviously feared the worst. She bet he even had a bag packed in case he was disowned on the spot. His face when he found out everyone with half a brain in their family knew already and didn't give two fucks about who he shared his bed with was priceless. Asha had had a good laugh at his expense after telling him how she had heard him and Stark through the wall last week during one of their little sleepovers.

Usually, the only sounds that Asha heard through the wall between her room and Theon's during those sleepovers was loud video game explosions and laughter and talking. Lots and _lots_ of talking. Goddammit, those two could talk forever it seemed, Asha had often found herself thinking late at night. At least once a night during those sleepovers, Asha or one of her older brothers or Balon would get tired of it and bang furiously on Theon's bedroom door and shout for him and the Stark boy to shut up and go to bed under threat of death or, more likely, no breakfast in the morning. That usually shut them up, though Theon always scowled at whoever had done the shouting the next morning and usually the next dozen or so sleepovers would be held at Stark's house instead.

However, the last sleepover they'd had at the Greyjoy home had been abnormally quiet, Asha noticed. So quiet that Asha found herself too bothered by the actual lack of noise seeping through the wall and into her room to fall asleep. She got a nervous feeling. What were those boys up to, she asked herself as she finally crawled out of bed. Had they fallen asleep early? It was only like nine o'clock though. Had they gone downstairs instead? Asha hoped her brother wasn't that stupid. Balon usually slept on his recliner down in the living room, letting Alannys have the master bedroom, one of the few kindnesses the man had ever shown anyone, but if Theon and his stupid friend woke him up, there would be hell to pay. Asha crept out of her bedroom and walked the short distance down the hall to Theon's bedroom door and knocked twice. There was no answer, though Asha was sure she heard a squeak of bed-springs inside. Curious, she pressed an ear to the door. The sounds that she heard within made her grin devilishly and chuckle, though she quickly covered her mouth so the room's occupants wouldn't hear her. Asha laughed into her hand all the way back to bed and fell asleep grinning. When the time came to tease her brother about what she had heard, she of course lied and said he and Stark were loud-so much so that they kept her awake all night. The faces Theon and Balon made were priceless.

The point was in the end that Asha had seen her brother's announcement at dinner a month ago coming and had even been ready to tease him about it. Tonight, however, when Theon sat down with an anxious expression, Asha was minorly horrified to find she had no idea why he was so anxious. She cast questioning looks to Roderik, Victarion, and even Euron, but all shook their heads at her, having no more of a clue than she did. Asha did not like it one bit. She did not like the sense of dread that encompassed her as she looked at her brother's stupid nervous face. She swore that Theon had better have had a good reason for looking like a man with a gun pressed to his temple, otherwise she was going to shove his face in his tuna casserole.

It was Euron of all people who asked Theon what was wrong. Not out of any sense of concern most likely; he was probably just mildly curious.

"What's got your knickers in a twist, Theon? What? Going to confess to be a transsexual next?" Euron teased. Theon scowled at him and shook his head.

"I'm sick and tired of your stupid jokes about my sexuality. You have no right considering you'll apparently go after anything that moves. When are you going to go back to stinking Singapore anyways?" Theon asked scathingly, avoiding Euron's question by mere hairs.

Euron shrugged. "Perhaps when things get boring around here. But right now you seem to be hiding something and that's got me a bit curious. Maybe if you go ahead and confess what ever you're hiding, things will get boring and I'll leave faster." Everyone at the table glowered at Euron.

"Liar." Roderik spat. "If you were here for entertainment, you'd have left a long time ago. It's boring as hell in this house. Hell, even when a member of this family's coming out of the closet, it's underwhelming!"

Euron opened his mouth, probably to make some sort of sly comeback, when Balon interjected. "Shut your trap, Euron, no one buys your bullshit. And Roderik, you no better than to get pulled into his little fucking games." Balon turned to Theon with a scowl. "Now just tell us what's got you in a cold sweat, boy, or don't and stop making those pained faces. You're ruining my God damned appetite with your festering." Balon barked.

Theon rolled his eyes discreetly at Balon's words before returning to his previous anxious demeanor.

Clearing his throat first, he began, "About a year ago, I went to this bar and a picked up this girl. Her dad was one of those boat captains who ferry people and goods back and forth between the islands and the main peninsula and I recognized her from those times I took her dad's boat from here to Robb's house and school. She had this crush on me and was all too willing to go to bed with me."

Maron gave a bored yawn. "We asked to know what's turned you into a bundle of nerves, not how you lost your virginity."

Theon balked. "That is not how I lost my-"

"Theon!" Asha interrupted. Theon scowled at her but shut his trap. "Try and stay on topic." She said.

Theon sighed and continued. "I never saw her again after that, due to active avoidance I'll admit. Apparently that was a bad move because it was only recently she got a hold of me through my job at the marketing agency. And..." He trailed off.

Aeron groaned. "For the love of all that is holy, please tell us you didn't catch something."

Alannys, for the first time in years, shot one of her children "The Look". The Look that sent a young Roderik and Maron running with their tails between their legs after they got up into some mischief, The Look that cowed even kids as stubborn as Asha and Maron into apologizing, and The Look that made Theon beg for mercy before she even opened her mouth to reprimand him. Wordlessly, all the Greyjoy children sank a bit in their seats and focused their eyes on their plates.

"_Theon_..." Alannys began warningly.

"No, no, it's nothing like that! I swear! I am perfectly healthy!" Theon quickly defended himself. "The Look" faded away then, as if had never existed at all on Alannys' morose face.

"Than what is it?" Victarion asked impatiently.

Theon sighed heavily. "Promise not to have any heart attacks or make any attempts at killing me. Or hitting me. I would be awesome if no one hit me." He grumbled.

Everyone exchanged uncertain looks, except for Euron who was smirking. They all nodded or gave casual, somewhat irritated, half-hearted promises not to die from shock, attempt to murder him, or deck him.

"Good because," Theon braced himself visibly. "I kind of have a kid now."

Maron sprayed the rum he had been drinking all over Aeron, who growled at his nephew with an angry glare.

"Stop taking drinks when people are making announcements!" Aeron roared across the table at Maron.

"Well _excuse _me for thinking nothing could top the 'I'm gay' announcement from last month!" Maron shot back. He turned to Theon with accusing eyes.

"Did you not wear a condom, dumbass!?" He shouted. Theon was visibly taken aback by Maron's apparent 'Actually-Giving-A-Fuck-About-Something-Involving-My-Little-Brother-That-Doesn't-Directly-Involve-Me" attitude. He shook off his surprise.

"In my defense, I was drunk." Alannys of all people was the one to break her promise and smack Theon upside the head.

"That is not an excuse!" She yelled shrilly at her son. Everyone at the table, even Euron and especially Theon, looked at Alannys with wide-eyed surprise.

"Mom, I-" Alannys cut off her son's protest by taking him by the ear and dragging him out of his chair and out of the dining room, every member of the Greyjoy family watching helplessly with slack jaws and no idea how to respond to what was surely a sign of Armageddon.

Asha heard Theon protesting loudly all the way down the hall before Alannys' voice cut through the air, silencing him: "YOU WILL DRIVE ME TO THIS GIRL'S HOUSE RIGHT NOW, THEON ALAN GREYJOY, AND YOU WILL GET ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES AND APOLOGIZE TO HER FOR IGNORING HER, AND YOU WILL OFFER CHILD SUPPORT, AND YOU HOLD YOUR CHILD AND SMILE WHILE I TAKE CUTE BABY PICTURES FOR THE FAMILY PHOTO ALBUM!" Everyone in the dining room flinched and exchanged bewildered looks.

Theon tried to protest something, but Alannys cut him off with another shrill reprimand. There was a jingle of keys and the sound of the door opening and closing and silence reigned over the Greyjoy household as the lights of Theon's car came on in the drive way, shining through the dining room windows and the vehicle pulled out of the driveway and disappeared down the road.

"Dad, what just happened?" Roderik finally croaked after several minutes. Balon shook himself, though it didn't seem to work as much as he hoped, Asha observed.

"Your mother's new anti-depressants must have just kicked in," He answered, though as he started poking the casserole on his plate with his fork, Asha swore she heard him mumble something along the lines of: "Yes, yes, that's got to be it...got to be..."

Asha sighed and knocked back a shot of whiskey.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this. :) I hope I kept everyone in character. Though being out-of-character was intended for Alannys in this fic. Please review! **


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